Why I Do/And Always Will Hate Montreal

I was listing to 103.7 FM, WEEI (Boston Sports Radio Network, for those of you who may not be blessed enough to be from MA, or NE) today, and Mut & Merloni really kinda stole my thunder during the mid-day show. The topic... BRUIN/HABS (last night's game). Now I'm a huge Bruins Fan. As a result.... I hate the F'ing Canadiens like a fat guy hates Weight Watchers.

My list of reasons for me hating them really goes way beyond the fact that they are the hockey equivalent to the Yankees, and Mut & Merloni went and aired all of Montreal's dirty laundry on the air today, before I had my shot at them. But shit, it can't hurt to piss all over some dirty Frenchmen twice... I think I'll start off by stealing (from Mike Mutnansky) what should be a real consideration for a new Montreal team-name. Get rid of the name 'Canadiens'. Throw it out the window and start over with, the 'D-Bags.' Because that, plain and simple, is what they are. And let me make this ABUNDANTLY clear-- the team... is far from all that I speak of.

Why, you may ask? Great question. Lets start with something easy- They are French-Canadiens. And for that reason, and because they are 'so much better than the rest of North America' they feel it necessary to disallow any coach to enter their precious city and lead their team unless...? Yup that's right, he speaks French. Disregard any notion that he might be good at what he does, because that part doesn't matter. The important thing is, does he sound like he likes to pee when he says 'yes.'

Moving on...(I'm already getting pissed off). Another great reason for outright loathing-- The classy folks in Montreal like to boo other countries' National Anthems. Yes folks, they do. Don't ever play or sing the American National Anthem anywhere near their perfect French city, or they will RAIN those Boo's upon you with fury!! Grrrrrrrrr! Classy? I know. Respectful? Totally. French-Canadien? 100%

Now, we all know they hate Boston as much as we in Boston hate them, or as much as we in Boston hate NY. That's been the case since 1924. Rivalries are what make sports fun. Now let me start this off by saying I hate A-Rod. I think he sucks something awful, and wish him nothing but failure for the remainder of his career (contributing factor being that he's a Yankee). BUT... should he strut his blue lips into Fenway Park, and happen to get drilled in the head with a fast-ball, I really wouldn't laugh, or cheer at his pain and physical misfortune. 'In the end he's still a player, and ultimately a human being. Now the good folks in Montreal see things a little different. Boston Bruin Zdeno Chara with Montreal fans is a good comparison to A-Rod and Boston fans. But when the guy gets drilled in the face with a slap shot and ends up down on the ice with God knows what kind of injury you don't collectively start blowing the roof off the joint with approval. That's just plain sick.

I guess the bottom line here is this-- Be careful should you ever find yourself searching for homes in Montreal or Quebec. Hide your American flag, learn French, pretend like you despise America, and act like you're better than those around you. Otherwise you'll have some really P.O.'d French neighbors. And you DON'T want that. They'll give you dirty looks and wave white flags in your face