Monday, February 27, 2012

Zombies... Apocalypse... Cannibals... What's NOT To Like About That??

If you are reading this now then that means you are still amongst the living...

I, along with millions of others, unfortunately am not...

I cannot say one way or another whether my demise was ultimately for the better, or the worse. I can say, living in this new world was a burden I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy...

I can only pray that for myself... I am truly dead.
I can only pray that for you... you live to see a cure. Or... find yourself amongst the angels...

My hope... is that you never find yourself wandering. Alone, angry, insufferably hungry... neither alive, or dead.

Best of luck to you, and whomever may be fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to still be fighting... To be loving... To be living...

Heed my following words and God speed.........................................


Zombies... walkers... geeks... infected... undead... flesh-eaters... hungerers... (or whatever the Hell else you may happen to call them), are taking over the country! They have, in fact, been doing so for years, and it appears that there is no end anywhere in the foreseeable future.

Zombie movies are... well let's just say they're f***ing awesome. This idea of crazed, mindless, ever-hungry, man-eating corpses has been embedded into our society's horror-psyche for as long as vampires and werewolves have resided in Transylvania (much to the burden, by now, of them poor Romanian folks I'm sure). I could list all of the zombie-related movies that have been filmed since the birth of horror, but that quite frankly would take more patience than I possess. But when thinking about that genre, honestly, who doesn't love the appeal? That 'last stand' feeling you get when you watch a character held up in some raggedy, post-apocalyptic house, all boarded up, with nothing but a shotgun or two, fighting to keep out an entire mob of decaying soccer moms that are trying to rip out, and chow down on, his or her intestines (everything evil stems from soccer moms). It is a thing of beauty, no doubt.

What is it about this that appeals to us though? Is it the zombies themselves?

If so, let's take a quick look at the zombie and analyze what it is about them that really gets our juices flowing...

In most zombie movies and now TV shows (The Walking Dead), zombies have this sort of lovable charm to them. That is... in that quirky, disgusting, clumsy sort of way. They always have this way of making you want to laugh a little, and maybe give them a hug and tell em to keep their chin up. Maybe it's the stumbling around like an alcoholic after a long night, or the dirty moaning sounds and blank stares like a young porn star unwittingly forced into a sex scene with Ron Jeremy. There's something extremely pathetic about their situation and  ultimately makes you a little sympathetic towards them.

On the other hand... they eat you. And if they don't, and you manage to fight them off and get away, you better hope to God that they didn't scratch and/or bite you. If they did, enjoy cannibalism and skin decay. I think that, more so than anything else is what makes zombies so appealing and scary to the average viewer. It is the idea of a never ending darkness, where only a hunger for the living prevails, and from which there is no escaping. It is death... but worse. And it comes in the form of an angry mob that enjoys ripping you to pieces with it's bare hands and teeth.

The zombie does not think, it does not feel (pain or emotion). It has no agenda, no plot. It runs purely on instinct and evil, and aside from destroying the brain, it cannot be killed. If you cut it in half, the top half continues to claw it's way toward you with it's hands, hoping to get a taste of your flesh. It is evil... in it's simplest form.

And because it is not real, we love it!!

But you tell me... Is that the reason why we love these types of movies/shows? Or does it beyond the ghoulish grave-risers, and branch off to an idea a little bit more primitive and anarchistic?

If this topic isn't your cup o' tea or you a unfamiliar, then allow me to explain the basic theme of almost any zombie movie--
--It is a post-apocalyptic world. At some point, somewhere along the line, a virus of some sort broke out and infected a large group of people. Those people got sick and died. Except wait... as it turns out they didn't... die. Ok yes, they DID die! They are just returning from the dead and in turn, attacking the living! Ok good, so as these living/dead "people" wander the Earth relentlessly seeking to eat the living, they infect more and more people by either biting them, or in some other way mixing DNA. As it usually turns out, the number of zombies becomes so large that they overrun pretty much everything, including police municipalities and the military.

What you are left with, by the time the movie either starts, or gets good, is maybe several small bands of survivors, scattered around the 'world,' searching for a place that is still normal. They roam the desolate and morbidly quiet cities and neighborhoods, where cars are crashed or parked right in the middle of streets and highways, and houses are ransacked. Bodies of the deceased can be found everywhere, and zombies roam freely, walking wherever they choose, eating whatever they get there hands on. There is no more television, no more radio, no more shopping, no more hospitals or doctors. There is pretty much nothing, and nobody. Just... yes, pure anarchy!  

Here is my 'solid explanation number two' as to why we love zombie flicks-- It comes down to basic animal instincts. As detrimental as it would be to the existence of the human species, what is one thing that every person ultimately wants in various different ways?


Zombie movies set the stage for the ideal game of "extreme laser tag, paintball, capture the flag, etc." Imagine for a second having an excuse to carry a shit-load of weapons, shoot things without remorse, wander into any place you want without repercussion, and take whatever you want without worrying about money. Put that together with the ultimate survival, "man vs. wild"-type reality show and you get animals, just as they were meant to be.

This is an amazing scenario in theory, on screen, and in our minds. We know damn well what a world like this would be like with nearly four billion people all acting the same way, and it would never work. There would be no world left. Therefore we embrace the laws, and those who protect us. But part of what we are makes us a little curious. How many times have you thought to yourself, "shit, I wish I could pull the trigger on (blank) for threatening me, or f'ing with my family" but couldn't for fear of the law, or morals? Then you watch a show like "The Walking Dead," and they are doing everything that you wish you could do...
Angry Zombie walking your way? BOOM, splat! Not anymore...

Tell me that doesn't sound fun!

Not to mention that we as people always seem to think we can do things better than those who are doing them. Example: slasher flick... "Don't go into the room with that weird noise you stupid bitch! Oh crap, see?? I woulda NEVER gone into that room to investigate. That's why all these dumb assholes die in these movies!" I must have spouted those words a thousand times in my day while watching horror movies. In my mind, when I watch things on TV I'm analyzing what I would do better. It is fun to place yourself inside "that boarded up house with the mob of decaying soccer moms," and try to imagine how you would handle that situation if you were there, while channeling your inner Rambo in your head. I know if it were me, I would be running around with my Marine Corps camouflage on (sleeves rolled up), with three guns and five knives on me at all times, a back pack full of smokes and whiskey, and a cigar hanging out of my mouth during every encounter. And I wouldn't die because I wouldn't be that stupid. I would know what to do in every situation (insert head-nod here).

You know it's true. You can be the nicest, most timid person on the planet, but try denying that even though scary as hell, parts of this sound like fun. It is human nature that one takes what one wants, and I swear whoever originally came up with the idea of the zombie apocalypse was about a breaking point away from ending up in jail, and needed a way to vent some frustration.

So tell me, which is it? Why do we love zombie flicks? Is there something that I've in fact missed entirely? Do your civic duty and click the "comments" link below. Get in your two cents on this extremely important topic, and tell the world why, in fact, zombies f'ing rock!


  1. Aside from how badass the whole concept is, I think the appeal is a return to a more simplistic lifestyle. If you can get past the emotion of losing your loved ones, all you have to worry about is living. No more bills, no more job, society is equalized. The status quo is shattered, nobody gives a shit about your big house or fancy car. Just load up on weapons, scavange for food, and kill anything that moves without a hint of guilt.

  2. You're right, it is a badass concept. And I think that the "simpler lifestyle" just acts as an excuse for we as humans to be able to embrace all of the "wrong" things that we wish we could do, and get away with. Like I said, it's certainly an awesome thought in theory. Thanks for the input

  3. Dude Jackson, I dont normally read blogs, ever! However, this is by far epic! Zombie movies are the shit non-stop edge of the seat suspence that brings the "Figth or Flight" out of anyone who dares watch.

    Keep on Writing and Semper FI!

  4. Great article. I think we love zombies because it's the one time where you can kill attackers in gruesome ways without feeling any moral tug.

    It's just a pure free-for-all. And that makes for great escapism.

  5. I don’t know how should I give you thanks! I am totally stunned by your article. You saved my time. Thanks a million for sharing this article.


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