Friday, February 17, 2012

Victoria's Secret (And Why Huge Monopolizing Corporations Quite Often Blow the Big One)

Let me start off by being fair and saying that I could say this about any number of big businesses. It's just that, well quite frankly I don't buy anything. I'm kind of what you would call a cheap prick and I'd much rather admire the numbers in my checking account than buy things that I feel I don't need. However, I am engaged to, and live with a girl. A girl who like many other girls, likes to shop on occasion. And Victoria's Secret just so happens to be one of the stores she particularly likes the most.... (lucky me, right fellas?? I'd agree... if the average bra didn't cost seventy F'ing dollars.)

 Hang on, I'll come back to that one...

Let me first tell you a story about bathing suits... They are generally worn in the summer time for the purposes of swimming and/or attending the beach or tanning. Fair enough to say? Whatever else you might use them for is your own business I suppose. So tell me why, as a designer/retailer of such things, you would market these items starting in the months of January and freakin' February. Tell me what sense it makes to buy a bathing suit that you won't touch for AT LEAST another five months-- unless maybe you're one of those polar plunge assholes.

That's not the best part either. They sell out too... (hehehehehe).

Genious right? Let's sell something five-six months before you're ready to use it, and FORCE you to buy it at that time (which is also your yearly all-time financial low, being post X-Mas and all) for fear that the model you like will be long gone before bikini season actually arrives.

Ok, so you've sucked it up by this point and have decided "hey, whatever it's worth it. After all, it IS Victoria's Secret, and I wanna look good." So after convincing yourself (and the one you may share your expenses with) that it's worth the hudred-some-odd dollars to order this bathing suit or two, you decide to start perusing. What do you think is going to happen next? Haha zinger number two-- The bathing suit that you both like either (a) doesn't come in your size,  or (b) they decided to stuff the bra with six thousand inches of padding (which apparently is not only uncomfortable, but will also make your boobs spill out all over the place like Ice-T's wife Coco). Sonofabitch I F'in liked that one too............. a lot!

But you now have moved on from this new set-back and have picked out a couple things you now want. You place your order (spend your hundreds) and wait for it to be shipped... Only to find out once it arrives, that there's NO boobage support. The bra is garbage for anyone over a B-cup (and that's not a shot at you if you are not).

Ok... send it back, pick again...

They send you your new order... with the wrong bottoms??  

Try again... with help (sort of, at least on the second call) from customer service. I think we got it now!!

I see now why they force you to order six months ahead of time. They are actually doing YOU a favor. It gives you time to figure out that half the shit they sell that looks good, isn't actually what you want, and gives you time to pay off the cost of the several pieces of thread you just bought. Oh, and it builds up the anticipation for all of us who may be excited to see you wear it in six months. I can only hope for your sake, that you are not in love with food... cuz it just may not fit anymore when you put it on to go swimming.

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